How I Killed My Mother-in-law
“It all starts with a more then unbelievably aggravating
relationship with my mother-in-law. To make a long story
short, my mother-in-law is Satan in a Moo-Moo. Now here is
the extended version of what happened, or if I was a rock
band in the 1980’s, this would be the live version.”
“Anyway due to a series of unfortunate events, which is
the story of my life, and because God thinks it is fun to
mess with me. My wife and I with our kids in tow had to
move into my wife’s parent’s house. Me and my in-laws,
especially my mother-in-law living under the same roof is
what is technically referred to as a recipe for disaster.”
Dean acts as the bungling chef as he tells the audience,
“I am like Chef Emeril whipping up a Cajun style Cluster Fuck
in the kitchen. And BAM! We add some snide remarks and
passive aggressive actions. BAM! Mix in a dash of cutting
insults and a splash of something snarky”.
“BAM! BAM! Now add in one heaping mound of my mother-
in-laws psychotic Bull Shit! Combine all of these ingredients
into a pressure cooker. Slowly stir together until it boils
over and erupts. Creating a bitter dish called I have had
enough of your Bull Shit Jambalaya. This in turn becomes a
too fucking bad for you Dean Gumbo, because for no real
reason, other than she is a mental case! My mother-in-law!
The Queen Bitch of bitches! Kicked me out of the house! “
“Then of course to make matters worse… I bet you are
wondering how I can make matters worse? If you knew me
at all, you would know that I have a talent for making things
worse. Isn’t that right Warden?” Warden De Marco, smiling,
nods in agreement. “So like I said to make matters worse. I
jump from the frying pan into the fire and tell my mother-in-
law what I really think about her!”
relationship with my mother-in-law. To make a long story
short, my mother-in-law is Satan in a Moo-Moo. Now here is
the extended version of what happened, or if I was a rock
band in the 1980’s, this would be the live version.”
“Anyway due to a series of unfortunate events, which is
the story of my life, and because God thinks it is fun to
mess with me. My wife and I with our kids in tow had to
move into my wife’s parent’s house. Me and my in-laws,
especially my mother-in-law living under the same roof is
what is technically referred to as a recipe for disaster.”
Dean acts as the bungling chef as he tells the audience,
“I am like Chef Emeril whipping up a Cajun style Cluster Fuck
in the kitchen. And BAM! We add some snide remarks and
passive aggressive actions. BAM! Mix in a dash of cutting
insults and a splash of something snarky”.
“BAM! BAM! Now add in one heaping mound of my mother-
in-laws psychotic Bull Shit! Combine all of these ingredients
into a pressure cooker. Slowly stir together until it boils
over and erupts. Creating a bitter dish called I have had
enough of your Bull Shit Jambalaya. This in turn becomes a
too fucking bad for you Dean Gumbo, because for no real
reason, other than she is a mental case! My mother-in-law!
The Queen Bitch of bitches! Kicked me out of the house! “
“Then of course to make matters worse… I bet you are
wondering how I can make matters worse? If you knew me
at all, you would know that I have a talent for making things
worse. Isn’t that right Warden?” Warden De Marco, smiling,
nods in agreement. “So like I said to make matters worse. I
jump from the frying pan into the fire and tell my mother-in-
law what I really think about her!”
This is an excerpt from page 15
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